How to Say "No"

Unless you are one of the truly gifted people who can unequivocally tell the majority of civilization to f*ck off (and believe me, if you are one of those people, I am exceptionally jealous of you), then you can probably sympathize with the average person's (read: my) occasional inability to say "no."

Not being a pushover is tough work. It takes originality, charm and sometimes a little bit of evil. I have a friend who, in her first time to New York City, guiltily accepted promotional fliers from every Times Square street ambassador with whom she made eye contact. Thankfully, I'm not that bad, and New York has toughened me up a tad. But I still find it hard to say no to people. So how do you do that? How do you learn to say no? Here are five tips that I find useful when you just need to give an honest "No, thank you."

1. Be polite. It's all about the presentation and, more often than not, if you turn someone down gently, they will respond much more positively to you than if you were rude.
2. Be firm. No means no. Make sure who you are rejecting understands that, and be prepared to turn-down counter offers.
3. Offer an explanation. Rejections and dismissals sound so much better when they are backed up with a logical explanation. "You know, Lisa, I've really been swamped with my own coursework. I'm sorry, I just don't have time to help you with your paper this weekend."
4. Be honest. If you can't help Lisa with her paper ever, then say so. Don't lead her to believe that you'll help her the next time if you really have no intention of doing so. Be honest from the get go, and people will be less upset with you when you turn them down in the future.
5. End on a positive note. Perhaps you're quitting your internship. End with something like, "But you know, Andrew, I've really enjoyed my time here and it's been a great learning experience. If you're up for it, I would really like to stay in touch after I'm gone."