It's All About the Presentation

A few months ago, I wrote a post about getting what you want, titled "The Power of Asking." Certainly, I believe that this advice is true, else I would not be broadcasting it. However, aside from just asking, there is another key to getting what you want: your presentation.

For those of you who are women and who have sisters, you will understand what I'm talking about in the following anecdote. For those who don't have sisters, bear with me.

After many failed attempts to borrow my sister's clothes while growing up, I came to the conclusion that it was much easier to ask for forgiveness than for permission. This is a lesson that most kids learn early on, and I was no exception. Usually, when I wanted to borrow something, I would sneak into my sister's room, take the item and then simply replace it later, unnoticed.

However, now I know why most thieves don't steal from their neighbors: once caught, they can't run very far. I also learned this lesson early on, and accepted that sometimes I just had to ask for permission. My sister tended to say no on principle, and every time this happened I ran upstairs and complained to my mom, pleading with her to interject with executive power.

Me: "Mooommmmmm! Mallory won't let me borrow her shirt! She's doing it for no reason. Will you tell her to let me wear it?"
My mother, getting ready for work and thrilled to be harrowed with these important issues, had a script for this issue: "Well, did you ask her nicely?"
Me: "Yes!"
Mom: "Are you sure?"
Me: (With notably less confidence) "Yes..."
Mom: "Well why don't you go ask her really sweetly--and if she says 'no' right away, don't get mad and start yelling. Ask her again--nicely. If she still says no, I'll come talk to her." And then iconically, my mother would end with this line: "But remember, it's all about your presentation."

Now, while I certainly hated to put on the "nice" act for my sister, I could see that my mother had a point. You can't demand something of someone; people don't like to help people who are rude. Rather, you have to ask for things calmly, rationally and nicely. Shed the self-entitlement and see what it does for you. Really, you'll find that you get to borrow many more of your siblings' shirts.